Ifs

I went out with my two best girl friends today. Never mind that for once I dropped and forgot what my responsibilities were to the rest of the world -- because I went out at 9:30 this morning to fetch M, drove all the way to the Fort to meet B, and voila!  I went home at 5pm+.  What a fabulous day this was, really.  Because I had almost an entire day spent with my highschool buds -- just talking, laughing, and regretting things over in our lives.

My friend, M told me that she read this blog, and though I was quite surprised that she remembered the title/address, I don't really mind that she "discovered" it.

Well to add, D -- the hero of "A Most Refreshing Dream" surfaced again in the conversation this afternoon, and I was asked the random question of whether I would go play with fire if faced with the chance of encountering this guy again.  The answer is NO.  Perhaps if we both did NOT have kids, that would come easy...  But to destroy and break our children's hearts is something I would not be able to do...  I have faith in myself that I still have my conscience in place.

Perhaps only in my wildest dreams will I be able to do so...

BUT.

Maybe if he writes me again, I would prolly not be able to resist writing back.  Did I fail to mention that this guy writes fairly well...?

So there goes your question, M.  You're my BFF, so I know my secret's safe with you.

I feel lighter today than in most days...  After having breakfast with my besties, which lagged on to the rest of the entire day for coffee and cake, and while waiting for the afternoon rain to stop pouring.

Again, I am faced with crystal clear images of lost loves, thinking and imagining that maybe one or two of them could have been a great candidate for husbandhood.

What if one of the guys I mentioned here would read the stuff I have written? What if they knew all along it was them?  What if... 

Would I stop writing about them? Or would I start acting as though I am an entirely different person all throughout?

Guess I don't really care anymore.  As long as I could write and reminisce...  Or reminisce and write...  Then these are my only consolation.  I would not let anyone take it away from me.