How Many of You are Like Me?

How many of you, are like me, who has a husband who simply does not care?  I envy two of my friends who are in some ways, burdened like me, though not exactly the same...

One friend is married, with no kids.  Good for her because she can drop her husband anytime.  No little hearts will ever get hurt or bruised.

Another has kids, with no husband.  I think this one would suit me the most.  Children are the best companions anyone could ever have, I think.  The love they give is incomparable, and so unconditional.  Having a husband in the household is definitely hard to keep.  So this friend of mine is most fortunate, I believe.  No one gives her a daily dose of headache.

Looking back, when I thought I found the best one for me, I should have thought twice, no, thrice -- before committing myself to this man.  Or perhaps I should have just allowed myself to have children, without the benefit of marriage.

How many are we?  Hundreds?  Thousands? Or perhaps even millions out there, who like me, are trapped in this bondage we call marriage.

If I could muster enough courage to destroy my children and their ideals, then I would have probably ended this union way back as I could remember.  But I am deeply afraid of the consequences it will surely ball up into, that I would rather wait for myself to dry up like a withered flower.

This blog is my platform.  Where voicing out what I feel keeps me sane from all the heartaches my husband is giving.

My husband...  He does not even care if I steep in anger at home, for his incapacity to show love for me, his wife...

As simple as it may sound -- he does not open doors for me.  The three, most basic words lovers say to each other is not present.  When I am sick, he just lets me be sick.  Communications lines are broken, we do not engage even in the simplest of conversation.  All he cares about is going to work, his friends, going back home, his friends, eating his meals, his friends, the tv, his friends, sports, his friends, sleep, his friends, and his friends.  Not necessarily in that order, though.

There is so much solace in finding the words in my head, and writing them all down here.  Sometimes, dreaming of how I lived my life in the past makes me smile.  When many summers of my youth dawned and there were many of them who I should have carefully and thoughtfully chose from.

But for some reason, I allowed this guy to be in my life.

And I thought my marriage will be more beautiful than my wedding...