My cough is always getting worse, and the coughing fits are also getting more frequent than ever. They always make me tear up when I do. All my scheduled health tests will have to be moved because of this as one of them requires me NOT to take this certain kind of medicine, lest it will generate inaccurate results.
No one realizes the fact that I lead a very sad life. I am just so good in juggling how real things are on the flip side. There are many things keeping me this way, and it is hard to explain to the whole world why, and where it stems from. Somehow I have accepted my fate. I eat alone, my husband is busy fulfilling his duties for his family, he comes home only to leave again, my kids are always out or far away from me, and so I have retreated to just stand beside my business, manning it until late in the evening, even if I am ailing. The show must go on, as they say.
Every time I get sick, it lasts for more than a month, and coughing is really bad. Last time I checked, a blood vessel in my eye broke and I had to live for months with a red speck in the white of my left eye. All because of excessive coughing. I hate this kind of sickness I often get. I prefer having a bad cold over coughing. My chest hurts really bad and my throat aches due to this too. My antibiotics are not acting fast.
After a very long time of not experiencing this emotion, I feel happy that today, my son messaged me that he wants to come home tonight because he misses us. I am happy because for a while, I have observed how much he is beginning to be insensitive like his father, and sadly, he does not care even if he sees me or his sister cry or feel troubled. Maybe I still have a little of myself in this young man, after all. I hope he will grow older to be a caring, and sensitive soul. Someone who will show genuine care, kindness, and love to me, his sister, and women in general.
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